MATH! (It's not my friend).

I am taking psychometrics.  It is essentially statistics.  Which is a problem for me.  I do not get along with math.  It has not been friendly to me.  I have a hard time with even computational arithmetic betimes.  I added up an invoice, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't adding up, until I realized that 7+5 does not equal 13.  Now this class is dealing with statistics in reference to psychological testing. 

I'm a little scared here.  I have doubted my abilities in previous classes, as I did not have a base in the subject.  I have a base in math, and it SUCKS.  BAD.  So let's see if I can even pass this class!

Traditions

Our family traditions are LEGION.  From my side, we have a great deal of Dutch and Swedish.  I think our family is the only one that still sings all four verses of the Dutch birthday song.  We also have, from my lovely wife's side, many British traditions.  Today celebrates one of those traditions, namely, the annual Julbord, or Christmas Smorgasbord.  I look forward to it all year, and the gathering of family and friends that happens far too infrequently. I have been thinking much of traditions, and why we have them.  Traditions bridge gaps that can become chasms between generations.  As I made potatiskorv (Swedish potato sausage) with a compatriot of mine today, I thought of my grandpa Eriksson.  I thought of the times that we made sausage together before his passing.  And I thought of how sad I am that my kids won't meet him in this life.  But when we have traditions, it brings a little bit of those times back, and lets us reminisce on the times that have been.  And it lets us share them in some small respect with our progeny. My kids may not meed their grandfather, but they will know something of him from the traditions that he passed down. 

But what if the tradition has been going on so long, that it no longer has meaning?  A quote from one of my favorite childhood movies comes to mind.." Numbly rehearsing their rituals, in a blur of forgetfulness".  Tradition should be celebrated and encouraged.  But we need to remember that the traditions that we are celebrating have meaning.  In other words, WE NEED TO KNOW WHY WE CELEBRATE THEM.  Tradition without meaning is pointless.

So this holiday season, look to the traditions that you celebrate, and see if maybe... maybe they need to be changed, adapted, or maybe new traditions replace.

"Let's talk about the REAL problem..."

In the summer of 1982, A friend of mine was hiking in the Sierra Nevadas, when his hiking partner told him to look out for the patch of poison ivy he was just about to step into. My friend, being the commensurate outdoorist, protested vehemently that it was NOT poison ivy. After all, he had made an exhaustive study of every type of irritant plant that lived in the area. To show his hiking partner, he immediately rubbed a handful of leaves from the aforementioned plant on his arm. To his shock and dismay, his studies had apparently not been complete. The burning was rather akin to poison ivy. As might be guessed, it was INDEED a variety of poisonous plant that he was not familiar with.

As poison ivy is never a fun experience, my friend decided to visit the closest emergency room for a touch of weekend medical assistance. The doctor who was on the ER rotation came into the cubicle where my friend was sitting. The doctor looked at him for about ten seconds, asked the nurse to get some Tecnu scrub, and then said the words that would change his life...

"Let's talk about the real problem".

The "real problem" that my friend was facing, which to the doctor was referring, was indeed not the self inflicted poison ivy burn. My friend had an extreme case of cystic acne, sometimes referred to as cystic boils. He had lived with this horrible condition since his teenage years. Imagine acne times ten. He could not put a fifty cent piece anywhere on his body, and not have it touch an eruption. The doctor looked at the marks on my friend's body and was able to see the remnants of assorted treatments that had been completely unsuccessful. This man was a dermatologist of no small standing. He described to my friend the treatments that he must have received (completely correct in every case) and asked him about the length and severity of his condition. He then asked my friend if he would like to be part of a study for a new medication indicated for conditions such as my friend suffered from. My friend had tried everything else, what could it hurt?

The medication that he recieved was called Accutane. He was the fourth person in the world to receive this now ubiquitous medication. His condition had completely disappeared in three weeks and has not resurfaced to this day.

THe ER doctor COULD have just ordered the Tecnu scrub and called it good. After all, it took care of the problem, didn't it? The patient had come in for poison ivy burns, so poison ivy burn treatment with Tecnu will take care of the problem, right? (BTW, the Tecnu DID take care of the poison ivy. It's great stuff for that). This is how we are, as a society, treating the horrific murderous rampages that are becoming all too common. We are looking for an easy fix. We are looking for the Tecnu scrub, instead of looking at "the real problem". We aren't looking for the Accutane. And the Tecnu scrub (or not entirely effective solution for all that's going on) in this case is firearms.

Let me be clear, I do not own guns. I am not a member of the NRA. I do not hunt. I am not a shooting sports enthusiast, though I do like to go shooting from time to time. But banning guns is not the answer to the Real Problem. I do find it interesting that the most commonly used tool in violent crimes is NOT a gun, but a baseball bat, very closely followed by large screwdrivers. I have never heard an outcry for Louisville Slugger to pay the damages when someone murders someone else with one of their well crafted sporting implements. Nor do we see Home Depot being picketed for selling the insidious, horrifying, MURDERING screwdriver. As ridiculous as this may seem, it is equally ridiculous to say that firearms are the problem. Firearms are inanimate objects, with no will or volition of their own. They are no more likely to kill someone by jumping up and shooting them, as it is likely that one will be viciously attacked by screwdrivers that jump off the shelf, when one is walking down the hand tools aisle at the local home improvement store.

We need to instead of looking at the temporary, immediate "fix", deal with the Real Problem in these senseless, violent crimes. We need to look for the accutane. We need to address the emasculated, broken healthcare system in our nation, and why it is so hard for those suffering with mental illness to get the care that they so desperately need. Let's not look at the guns. Let's look at the mental health care in our country, and what we can do to help those who need it.

I can't stand it much longer...

So, I am sitting here, waiting for my portfolio II assessment. It is more than nerve racking. This is a make or break moment for my grad studies, whether or not I continue in the program. So I hope I do OK. It's my turn now, so I'll update when I'm done... Update... I'M IN! I got through this thing. THANK YOU ALL THE POWERS THAT BE.

Hair

Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer

Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy

Hair, flow it, show it

Long as God can grow, my hair

-from the musical "Hair" , lyrics by James Rado and Gerome Ragni

It's true. My hair is now longer than it has ever been in my life. Since the age of fourteen I have wanted to grow my hair out. There were a few halfhearted, aborted attempts. It is difficult to grow one's hair out when it is curly, as there is a period of about six months when one's hair is horrifying. Nothing at all can be done to it, or for it. It just needs to be waited out. In my teen years, I was unable to get through that stage. Whether it be from my own exasperation with it, or constant and unrelenting statements of opinion from others (*i.e. "your hair is insane", "nappy headed", "homeless man", et cetera), I have always caved and kept it short.

A couple of years ago, I was given the opportunity to work on a series of period films, in the which I would be required to grow my hair and beard. As I generally wear a beard of some kind, this was not a problem. As to my hair... At the time I began actively growing it, I had not had a haircut for a couple of months, and it was into the "horrifying" stage, albeit not too far. My employer at the time had no problem with long hair, or headgear at work, so I was able to wear a hat or do-rag until it was long enough to do something with. Since then I have had my hair trimmed once, and I have been happy with it, overall.

But others in my life, not so much. Some have expressed their opinions to me (unceasingly) on my hair, and how I choose to keep it. Recent comments have ranged from "that's way too long", "look like a diry hippie", "accusations of "mid-life crisis" and up to and including "looks like a sex offender".

-photo courtesy Whitney Bushman (whitney@thevispress.com)

This is a recent pic of me and my lovely and amazingly talented wife. Just for reference on the length of my hair.

I have wanted this hair for most of my life. I am happy that it is this length. I am enjoying it immensely. Yet there are others who do not like it for whatever reason. I do not express my opinions on others dress and grooming, unless it is extreme, or non existent, respectively. So why is it that others continue to vociferously approach DEMANDING that I do what they would do were they me? I have absolutely no problem with expression of opinion. However, one does not need to express the same opinion over and over ad infinitum to the one who your opinion applies. To do so is to risk alienation and discord.

(speaking of hair length)...But if any man seem contentious, we have no such custom, neither in the Churches of God. -I Corinthians. 11:16

Oi. Tired...

I finally got a call from casting so I went to be a dirty biblical era person again. Sorry, I can't post pictures. It's contrary to the contract I signed. I was just being a crowd person, when the director pointed and said "We need that guy in the gray up here". So up I went. I was wondering if I would be recognizable to anyone in these movies. Now I don't really have to worry. If they ever use the footage shot the other day, I'll be front and center. So that was a little comforting. I had a counselling role play this last class... didn't go so well. I feel kinda crappy about it. The "client" was a 17 year old kid, with some oppositional issues who was remanded by the court after breaking into a couple of homes with his friends. He feels like his mom is always on his back. Though I didn't always feel like my mom was fair, I had a really hard time with the client feeling that his mom was a "complete failure" and "Is trying to control all of my life". I had a bit of a hard time identifying with the client. As such, I didn't really get to the point of rapport with him. Crap. I need to remember that that is the most important part of this process. So... anyone a pro at powerpoint? Want to give me lessons? Because I sure am NOT a pro. And it seems that it is used ad nauseum in school now. Been thinking a lot lately about why I do things the way I do. Or not, as the case may be. I have far too difficult a time dealing with injustice in life. I need to get over things far more than I have been able to heretofore. I can't completely change the world and make it into what I would like it to be. But I have a very difficult time coming to grips and accepting things that I perceive as unjust or unfair, or completely unintelligent. I suppose I "do not suffer fools gladly". I think that the desire for things to be different is a good thing, but only if I really, REALLY am making an effort to change those things. To make sure that that difference is being made. If I am not, I guess I'm just crying into my metaphorical beer. I have really come to the realization that though I have the entrepreneurial spirit... I am not a businessman. There. I said it. I need to let someone else do the business side of things, and I need to be the "disciple", the "believer" of the business idea, and be the public proponent. Because I just don't do the other parts so well. I can come up with ideas, but I just don't have the know-how to get them off the floor. And I do come up with some good ideas. I am trying to be more honest with myself, to be more realistic about who I am, and what I want from life. I have wandered for too long, and the paths that I have wandered upon have often times taken me places that I didn't really want to go. I need a map. And I need to make that map.

Catch-up...

Haven't done this in a while. I'm waiting for class to start, in the which I will be doing a role play counseling session with a classmate... in front of the rest of the class. And being critiqued on it. Ow. I have some acting skill, and I would like to think I have some counseling skills, and I am NOT afraid of public speaking. With all that said, it's still a little intimidating. I'm sure I'll do OK. I've been hawking my wares at the Salt Lake City Farmer's market for most of the saturdays this summer. It's been a lot of fun. I've been making some decent money, but nowhere near enough to pay all the bills. I've created a Facebook page for Ravensmoon, and have posted some items there. I think it's going to be a good thing overall. I'm pretty excited about school. I'm scared to death about Portfolio II (UoP has a class set that they use in lieu of the GRE) and whether or not I'll pass it. I do hope so. I don't want to have the related problems that that might bring, not passing, that is. I need to put more effort in, methinks.