Oi. Tired...

I finally got a call from casting so I went to be a dirty biblical era person again. Sorry, I can't post pictures. It's contrary to the contract I signed. I was just being a crowd person, when the director pointed and said "We need that guy in the gray up here". So up I went. I was wondering if I would be recognizable to anyone in these movies. Now I don't really have to worry. If they ever use the footage shot the other day, I'll be front and center. So that was a little comforting. I had a counselling role play this last class... didn't go so well. I feel kinda crappy about it. The "client" was a 17 year old kid, with some oppositional issues who was remanded by the court after breaking into a couple of homes with his friends. He feels like his mom is always on his back. Though I didn't always feel like my mom was fair, I had a really hard time with the client feeling that his mom was a "complete failure" and "Is trying to control all of my life". I had a bit of a hard time identifying with the client. As such, I didn't really get to the point of rapport with him. Crap. I need to remember that that is the most important part of this process. So... anyone a pro at powerpoint? Want to give me lessons? Because I sure am NOT a pro. And it seems that it is used ad nauseum in school now. Been thinking a lot lately about why I do things the way I do. Or not, as the case may be. I have far too difficult a time dealing with injustice in life. I need to get over things far more than I have been able to heretofore. I can't completely change the world and make it into what I would like it to be. But I have a very difficult time coming to grips and accepting things that I perceive as unjust or unfair, or completely unintelligent. I suppose I "do not suffer fools gladly". I think that the desire for things to be different is a good thing, but only if I really, REALLY am making an effort to change those things. To make sure that that difference is being made. If I am not, I guess I'm just crying into my metaphorical beer. I have really come to the realization that though I have the entrepreneurial spirit... I am not a businessman. There. I said it. I need to let someone else do the business side of things, and I need to be the "disciple", the "believer" of the business idea, and be the public proponent. Because I just don't do the other parts so well. I can come up with ideas, but I just don't have the know-how to get them off the floor. And I do come up with some good ideas. I am trying to be more honest with myself, to be more realistic about who I am, and what I want from life. I have wandered for too long, and the paths that I have wandered upon have often times taken me places that I didn't really want to go. I need a map. And I need to make that map.

Catch-up...

Haven't done this in a while. I'm waiting for class to start, in the which I will be doing a role play counseling session with a classmate... in front of the rest of the class. And being critiqued on it. Ow. I have some acting skill, and I would like to think I have some counseling skills, and I am NOT afraid of public speaking. With all that said, it's still a little intimidating. I'm sure I'll do OK. I've been hawking my wares at the Salt Lake City Farmer's market for most of the saturdays this summer. It's been a lot of fun. I've been making some decent money, but nowhere near enough to pay all the bills. I've created a Facebook page for Ravensmoon, and have posted some items there. I think it's going to be a good thing overall. I'm pretty excited about school. I'm scared to death about Portfolio II (UoP has a class set that they use in lieu of the GRE) and whether or not I'll pass it. I do hope so. I don't want to have the related problems that that might bring, not passing, that is. I need to put more effort in, methinks.

Another one bites the dust...

One more class down (ETHICS). I'm stoked. It finally feels that I might do this thing. I might just become a counselor! I'm still paranoid that I won't pass something, but hey... I just keep plugging along. Hopefully I'll actually do it! I got accepted to the Salt Lake City Farmer's market! I'ma kinda excited about that. I hope that I can keep myself in stock of merchandise, and that I can keep up with it! What a dilemma for me to have. But hey. The only problem with that is I don't have the $$$ for all the dates ($500) that I have been given. I hope that this can be all worked out. I'm feeling a little overburdened. I have too many projects. I think I need to get some of the bigger projects done, so I don't feel so overwhelmed. Copper to be made into saleable items, leather pieces constructed, pottery jewels, pallets to process, raised beds made for the Ra, finish the flooring at Mom's house... I'm unsure how to get it all done. One step at a time... Bucket had some hard times yesterday night. I asked him to say the family prayer, and he said some words, wandering attention, eyes open... Tara adressed this with him, and asked why he was having a hard time saying the prayer. He broke down sobbing, and told Tara his "deep dark" secret: that he feels sad most of the time, and that he has thoughts about whether or not religion is a bunch of crap. He felt that having such thoughts was just evil and sinful. He wept on Tara's lap for quite some time. During all of this, I was downstairs regrouping, as I was feeling some significant anger toward the kids, and didn't want to lash out at them. I'm VERY concerned, since I began having depressive issues and such at his age. I'm feeling a bit of a loss as to what to do about that part. I want to be there for my kids and help them to be good, solid people. This is one of my biggest worries, having kids with depression. I hope I can help. With the religiosity problem, I think I can help with that, but again, I hope I can help. I'm just concerned that my influence will be detrimental instead of helpful.

Cat problems?

Monkey (our oldest) has been given the responsibility of scooping the litterbox in the basement (I don't think that that's an extreme responsibility for a 12 year old). She most often finds a way to not do this chore. Granted, a litterbox IS stinky and gross, but it is part of having a cat. This chore hs been delegated to her for a multitude of reasons. The most salient one is this: Lady Arat or I shouldn't have to do all such things round the house. If you have a cat you should scoop the litterbox. She claims one of the cats as hers. Therefore, we have delegated the litterbox in the basement to her. This is the ONLY dedicated chore that she has at present aside from keeping her room clean (which is another story altogether). She has not been scooping the litterbox with any sort of regularity. Yesterday, she thought that closing the bathroom door (where the litterbox is housed) was a good idea to keep the litterbox from smelling. Imagine what it was like when we opened the door. The level of ammonia made breathing nigh unto impossible. Really. We have tried all sorts of positive and negative consequences for compliance (or non) on litterbox duty, to no avail. We finally decided to let her know, in person face to face and IN WRITING, that if she did not hold up her part, that we were going to have to divest ourselves of one of the cats. This was to be done to make the litter that she refused to scoop last longer. WE are on a very tight budgetr with me having no employ, and anything we can do to save even a little is keenly felt. As one of our cats could not care less where it lives as long it is fed, we decided to let that one be the one finding a new home. It just so happens that that is the one that she claims as "her" cat. One might think that the loss of a pet might be a motivator for action. But not for Monkey. She has neglected to scoop the litterbox regardless. So this last week, Lady Arat posted the cat on Craigslist in the "free" section. Mind you, no one will really want this cat, though she is a pretty beast. She's old. She has some health problems. There is a reason we sometimes refer to her as "the booger beast". Cat boogers? Yup, it's gross. Here is where the problems have arisen. Will the removal of a beloved pet from inaction cause trauma in a child? Absolutely. But such removal can also be had when one leaves a pet turtle out in the sun, or a gate open for a dog that runs out into the street. This COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. There have been some whom I have spoken to about our decision whom have been very supportive. And there are some who have not been so. It happens in any parenting situation that someone else does not approve of another's methods. I do not ask others to approve of what we do as parents in regard to our children, so long as what we are doing is not abusive to our children. But I would hope that they respect us as people enough to understand that we all have a different perspective on parenting, and that those perspectives do not always jive with each other. But that does not mean that one is wrong and another right. They are just different. If my solution for lack of litterbox cleanliness was a close meeting with a fast moving belt, that's one thing. I'd kinda expect being called on that. That's abusive to me. But to remove a belonging from one's home that is not being cared for by the designated caregiver is quite another. I realize that a pet is different than say, a toy or a bicycle. But it is a pet. And if it is not being cared for as has been required, it should go to a situation where it will be cared for appropriately. If we REALLY wanted the cat gone, the consequence would be "don't keep the litterbox clean? Your cat goes to the shelter". At this point, Monkey needs to realize that a pet (or anything else) is a privilege one EARNS. And she is not earning this privilege.

When will I figure it out?

Lady Arat came home from a women's conference at our church, and came home with an... interesting observation. One of the speakers is a curator at the MOA at BYU. He was talking about how we need art in our lives and how so many don't differentiate between art, and craft. Lady Arat had the observation that I was not feeling fulfilled by what I havew been doing, is because much of what I have been making is craft, not art. Now, don't get me wrong. Craft has it's place and there is much to be enjoyed and valued there. But as an artist, doing mostly craft... It was not getting me what I needed. It was quite epiphanic for me. I sometimes wonder when I will figure these things out. I am so glad for my lovely wife who can hear something and realize that it is something that I would need to hear. That, and that she would pass it along to me as well... So I have decided to work on things that I can put part of myself into, things that bring me joy, first and foremost. Cool item for this post:

These pottery jewels have been a LOT of fun lately. They are tempermental, and do NOT always come out the way that one might like. But sometimes...

Intentional consumption

Y'know... sometimes... chicken soup is just SO good. (particularly when you made it yourself)! But I digress from the doings of the day... Though it does fit with intentional consumption... I MEANT to eat that soup!

I heard a speaker recently talk on the importance of interacting versus consuming media. It hit me rather forcefully, and with some thought (not to mention encouragement from my lovely wife), I am endeavouring to change my media habits. I have found (as have others) that when you just consume what is "out there", and don't interact in a meaningful way, it can get you into places you don't really want to be, literally or not. I think that that is one of the problems of the coming generations, how to deal with all of the media and information coming at you from all quarters at light speed, and still have real and worthwhile interaction with the world. So I choose to interact, versus consume. So there you go. My part is to do this blog, and to make and list stuff so it can be sold. I need to spread the nifty far and wide!

Nifty item for the post:


Sometimes they just come out SO nicely... These pottery jewel necklaces are kind of a crap shoot, in that I'm not exactly certain how they will ever turn out. This one is nice, though. White stoneware clay, pale yellow glaze and two colours of glass. About the size of a USA quarter (maybe a bit bigger) in diameter. Check them all out at:
http://www.mossbottle.etsy.com

Cheers!

Classes are interesting...

I've had a good time in my graduate studies... but this last class leaves something to be desired. A classmate put it this way: "I feel more like I am playing hide and seek than being in a class". Oh my. That about sums it up. Week by week, I am unsure as to what exactly is expected by this instructor. It's irritating, at best.

I was recently approached by a company to produce items for them. There was some differences with the creative director, so I had to turn it down. It would have been a fun thing, but I refuse to work with condescending people. I have enough to contend with without that in my life.

I realise that I have TONS of assorted crap floating about that needs to be made available to the public. I joke that it kinda piles up, but there is truth to that statement. The biggest problem is that I don't take such good pictures. So even thoguh the item may be as cool as all get out, if I have a craptastic picture, no one would want it. O well. More practice with the camera!

I really need to be making more. It's getting bad, methinks. Having no job for this long has been hard on me. I try not to show that it is killing me and that I am feeling a significant lack of worth, if I let myself go. I don't know that taking a mind numbing job would help. I hope so, as it seems that that is all that is available to me at this point.

Playing with pallets is fun! Wow, I just realized that the previous statement makes me sound like I am the most boring person ever. I have been scrounging pallets from worksites and the like, and making them into furniture! Really. It's been a lot of fun knowing that I have made something cool out of something that is only a couple of steps at best from the landfill. I'll post a pic when I have one.

Scored a sweet deal at the Provo DI this week, which is a coup within itself. That place is SO picked over. It's a madhouse when they even bring out a cart. People swarm the workers, not even letting them get the stuff to the floor. It's strange. Anyway, I found a GREAT chair and ottoman. Lady Arat refers to it as my "papa bear chair". Solid wood frame with leather upholstery. I looked at it and realized that this was a REALLY expensive piece. $70 took home a (most likely) $2000 piece of furniture. All it needed was a liberal application of leather conditioner. I was most pleased. Again, I'll post a pic when I have one.